Every Warhammer 40K Faction Reviewed by a NOOB
Welcome Brothers and Sisters, I’m James, an average closet Warhammer Nerd who has been drawn back into the Warhammer Universe by a Slaaneshi Fiend (friend) I thought I had left the Grim Dark Future behind me in the late 90’s….but it looks like I am back. Join me on my journey back to social and tournament 40K gaming.
Okay, this might not be the kind of Meta munching review you were hoping for, tier listing best factions, strongest unit’s, most winningest tournament faction etc etc, this is not! This is just my Noob view of each faction based on my tiny bit of lore knowledge, the miniatures for each faction and the vibes!!
First up The ASTARTES….well might as well just start with the best first right ;-)
SPACE MARINES
If you don’'t love them. Is there something wrong with you?
Who can fail to love superhuman 8ft tall, Techno Gothic Knights. They fire cool guns, drive tanks, fly dropships and sci-fi flying speeders, have huge space based flying fortresses which are like giant flying cathedrals. They have an unbreakable (most of the time…. Horus Heresy) Brotherhood, have badass rituals and death or glory attitude.
These Brothers were created by The Big E, The God Emperor of mankind himself an even more gigantic even more superhuman guy, who rules the Imperium of man which has conquered vast swathes of the galaxy. Yeah ok, he’s now stuck on the Golden Throne in stasis but his work lives on and he shall return Brothers!!!!
The Lore for the loyalist Astartes aka Space Marines is vast, they have fought in countless bloody battles, committed countless atrocities in the name of the Imperium and have an awesome long list of hero’s like Sigismund, Logan Grimnar and Vulkan.
The vibes are off the scale, Dreadnoughts, Powerswords, chainswords, powerfists, Chaplains driving the Brothers into wild battle fury, Epic hero’s leading them to glory. They also have so many divergent chapters, each with again their own badass Lore and Hero’s, want to be heroic poetic death dealers with a taste for blood…Blood Angels, want to be gallant Knights, Dark Angels, want to be zealous lunatics filled with revenge and a never ending desire to purge the heretics!! Black Templars.
The miniatures, they have a huge catalogue to choose from and they have some really great sculpts like blade guard veterans, jump pack intercessors, company heros, deathwing knights so so many. But….perhaps just perhaps some of the other factions maybe have some better miniatures.
In game, they can play almost any style depending on you, hard hitting melee, sit back shooting, stealthy sniping and they have plenty of interesting rules but less complex and exciting than other factions.
Rating 9/10
Second we have Chaos Space Marines.
CHAOS MARINES
Butchers nails anyone?
Basically these dudes are just like the good guys, accept they are the pantomime baddies. They are very cool, the have badass hero’s like Abaddon and Huron Blackheart. The miniatures are more fun in some ways but I think all the spikes makes them a bit goofy. They play very similarly to the good guys. Basically for me they are on a par, I hate to say it but they are just as awesome as the loyalists. They have the same killer Techno Knight Vibe, just with the added Alan Rickman in robin hood villain attitude lol
Regrettably 9/10
Next up the Eldar aka Aeldari…..or elves I says!
SPACE ELVES
A range that leaves us feeling let down? (how do they get their ears into the helmets btw?)
This bunch have a great back story and lore but in the current setting of 40K they are a bit broken and lost if you ask me. Ok yeah they’ve now turned to a god of death!!! for some new hope and you have the Dark Elves, I mean Eldar I mean Drukhari and Harlequins (clowns) teaming up to fight together for this death god who has something to do with the resurrection of Guilliman…mmmmmm Could just be me but keep your eyes on Ghoolyman!!
They have some fun characters but they are all a bit nerdy right?!! c’mon I mean, they’re elves!! The Visarch is OK i suppose and the Avatar of Khaine.
They do have some brilliant miniatures, I love the colour schemes, Wraithlords I’ve always thought were cool, fire dragons meh but the rest of the range barring the transports and flying grav tanks thingies are really really nice.
In game, I wish they had an option to be more melee based, they have some good melee units but just not quite there. The idea of them slicing and dicing enemies with consummate swordsmanship would be really really kickass but you just don’t seem to be able to make it happen in game with the units on offer and their stats. They seem to have to play a bit of a sneaky hit and run style and well….that’s just not for me, sounds like a bunch of wimps!!
Overall you never trust an elf let alone a pirate, slave trading dirty dark elf!!
Hey James, you forgot about Lelith Hesperax, know what I mean wink wink!! Be Gone!! slaaneshi filth!!! (although what a night that would be sheesh!)
Rating 5/10
Next The Grey Knights….. Daemonhunters
SONS OF TITAN
Cool lore. Lame Models.
Now I have a soft spot for these guys and the Inquisitors, because back in 2002-2003 when the first Daemon Hunters codex was released, I nearly started playing 40K and would have played as these guys. I got as far as buying the codex.
They have absolute badass lore, these guys are sent to clean up the worst messes when there has been a daemon incursion. They fight greater daemons and daemon princes, they are the purest of the pure, completely unbreakable and incorruptible, They are the geneseed of the Big E himself. They wield power weapon halberds, crackling with psychic force energy, I MEAN C’MON GUYS!!!
They are the most pure, perfect knights, they go through the toughest initiate process, praise the Emperor this is the perfect faction for me…..Brother lead me to Titan!!
And then here comes the sh*tter, GW have totally cocked up the miniatures!! The Terminators still look good, the interceptors are ok but those dreadknights!! WTF They are stuck with the old box dreadnought, no refresh of the rank and file. These guys should look like Custodes on the tabletop. Some chunky tough elite melee units, a few cool rank and file dudes, some killer character models capable of cutting down average Astartes and a couple of heavy tanks to support.
I think GW should have merged them back with the Inquisitors, its one example where they are trying to spread the butter too thinly for my liking. They would make a great allies army, give them breachers, a guard infantry unit or 2 and a Leman Russ and suddenly you have a really fun interesting fluffy faction. AH WELL!!!
I would have chosen to play Grey Knights 100% based off the vibes and the lore but the miniatures are a car crash.
Sadly 6/10
Lastly for this blog TAU
TAU
Stay in your suits lads
Now these guys get the most stick for being nerdy little wimps who couldn’t punch their way out of a wet paper bag, droning on about a greater good and wanting to be friends and play my little pony. I mean they’d probably get bitch slapped to death by an elf! And then they’d both get stomped by a Votann who was walking past whilst drinking a beer.
It’s not a great starting place, their lore doesn’t get the blood flowing and they are a mix of different rag tag species, everyone is welcome….we need the numbers!!
But!! BUT!! Put these funny little blue dudes in a exosuit or a bloody great big GUNDAM GOD DAMN Mega Mecha suit and suddenly they come to life!!
I cant help but love a good mecha and with a good paint job on the miniatures, chefs kiss!! They look so crisp, clean and sharp. GW have done a great job with their sculpts, the Riptides in particular look amazing on the table. They are like modern art in the GrimDark universe. The big boom weapons they fire and their table top playstyle I really like. That vibe of carefully planned strikes and then hammer blows from really powerful high tech weapons… YESSS!!
I know lots of you meat head monster drinkers love melee in 40K (so do i), but as Simon Phoenix said, “WAIT A MINUTE , THIS IS THE FUTURE, WHERE ARE ALL THE PHASER GUNS!”
So overall how do I rate them, well my fellow blogger KONNOR over at Rogue Miniatures won’t have liked the start of my Tau dissection. But combined with my love for Japanese culture and the Gundam Mecha vibes.
Rating 7.5/10
I’ll continue my totally self opinionated review of the Warhammer 40K factions next blog, spoiler alert, yes one faction will be getting a 10/10!!
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