Every Warhammer 40K Faction Reviewed by a NOOB Pt3
Welcome Brothers and Sisters, I’m James, an average closet Warhammer Nerd who has been drawn back into the Warhammer Universe by a Slaaneshi Fiend (friend) I thought I had left the Grim Dark Future behind me in the late 90’s….but it looks like I am back. Join me on my journey back to social and tournament 40K gaming.
So we are into the final part of my whistle stop noob reviews of each of the Warhammer 40K armies. I know that my views will change as the months and years go by, little pieces of lore as I find out about them can shape how you view one of these colourful factions. I have just found out some background to the Silent King, hearing about his sense of honour and having a code of engagement of sorts has already made me see the Necron’s in a slightly…….very slightly brighter light!
ASTRA MILITARUM aka Imperial Guard
Now I have to say I like this lot. It can’t be easy for normal mortal human’s being thrown headlong into intergalactic battle with killer robots, daemons, orks and demented superhumans. Lord knows we Brits love an underdog and it feels good to root for these little guys and girls with an average life expectancy of 15hrs having seen battle.
MEAT FOR THE GRINDER
It’s sometimes not even obvious why the Imperium bothers to issue lasguns to these guys.
A mixture of conscripted souls, desperate souls, lost souls and nutters seeking glory. It’s worth baring in mind that all though generally its the grim darkness of the 41st millennium which is written about and portrayed, there are worlds where people live generally pleasent peaceful lives not unlike our own. Sadly for the scum living in hell hole hive worlds or nightmarish planets where the very air you breath is a poisonous fume serving in the guard might seem like a good option!
There are lots of different regiments but ones like the Krieg or Catachan Jungle Fighters have particularly cool and fun lore written about them and really add to the vibes when putting them out on the table top. With hero’s like Sly Marbo (chuck norris in my head cannon) and Commissar Caiphus Cain, a ladies man and great swordsman, it add to the richness of their lore and how you feel about your army in game and when hobbying.
They have a vast! selection of miniatures and lots of tanks…….yeah Tanks, tanks are sooo bloody cool, oh man I love tanks. If you like 40K but don’t like tanks, I just don’t think we can be friends lol
The are also solid in game, they give you different ways to play, you can take lots of infantry, you can have a fast moving mobile army and you can take lots of big, shiny, chunky, beautiful….TANKS!!
All in all I think they have it all, deep lore, lots of modelling opportunity, fun to use in game.
Rating 9/10
TYRANIDS….and bobble heads
BAM!!! its already in my head and yours, Ellen Ripley, the Nostromo, Jones the cat and then comes Starship Troopers. Hmm team Diz or team Carmen………….the debate rages on after decades.
Anyway, moving on!! (must not get cancelled just yet)
The Tyranids conjure up images from popular culture a lot more so than some of the other factions in the 40K world. Mankind has always had a fascination with giant killer lizards ever since those Victorian chappies started burying fake bones and writing stories about dinosaurs and long before that with ancient tales of Dragons being both feared and revered.
IM DOING MY PART
The only good bug, is a dead bug…
In the grim dark future they are mostly feared! and in the lore do seem like an almost unstoppable force which could see unexpected alliances formed between races and factions who see a common enemy. It’s only purpose being to consume and grow without any thought other than the survival of the collective hive. Bobbleheads aka Genestealer cults do worship these ravenous beasts but that’s only because they have Tyranid gene’s in them and they are actually little more than breeding stepping stones for these broodlord filths who have infested their planet and will eventually become dinner of the Tyranid swarm ever reach their world.
NUKE THE SITE FROM ORBIT
It’s the only way to be sure
I think the miniatures are great and the whole feel of them overwhelming and consuming the life they encounter does send a shiver down my spine. They don’t see enemy, just life to be devoured. I think this is lost in tabletop games if the monster mash Norn style list is taken but its still a fun way to play, its just not as thematic as 100+ filthy lizard monsters charging across the battlefield and Lictors appearing from the shadows snatching bodies.
The Genestealer Cults, meh i dunno, I do like some of the miniatures like the Beef cake Abominants and the Rockgrinders which remind me of the drilling machines in Total Recall (not the crap remake with colin farell that film is heresy!!! I couldn’t finish it)
I can’t quite warm to this lot, the idea of a bunch of miners, who have jumped into bed with a hot tyranid chick and now been impregnated in some body snatcher style way and worship the great devourer, just doesn’t do it for me. In tournament games people seem to favour the horde style list, which I really don’t like, the mechanic of them just regenerating and keeping coming back just seem annoying, rather than fun or clever. I have seen an army of Rockgrinders and abberants in the ‘MUSCLE BEACH’ style list and this looks much more fun and my kind of thing.
Overall I think the Tyranids are good fun and add a great dimension to the grim dark universe. But perhaps the lack of heroic individuals (save for old one eye lol) lets them down a bit for me.
Rating 7/10
DWARFS….THE LEAGUES OF VOTANN?!!
Okay, so when I first started getting back into the hobby these Votann and their league confused me. Now I have a little more understanding and see that these little chaps are a mixture of clones and AI robots which a clone sort of is anyway and they live hidden away in the centre of the galaxy where chaos and everyone else cannot reach. However now The Great Rift has cased tears in reality and the Votann feel their hidy hole isn’t so safe anymore and they are coming out to play. They have also found and use STC’s standard template constructs. Basically these seem to be giant ancient AI machines almost gods which can pretty much create and do anything you want them to, lost since the Age of Technology and so highly sort after by everyone, especially the Mechanicus, they would kill, maim and torture anything and anyone to get they metallic mitts on these machines.
COOL
Especially with recent releases, these guys have really caught my eye
It is because of these STC’s that the Votann have such advanced machines and weaponary and for us, some cool miniatures! They already had some good mini’s and now with their new releases they are looking even better. They are good on the tabletop and have some powerful rules. They actually really suit my standard gaming playstyle tough durable with heavy fire power, attritional warfare but capable of a knockout punch. I can see them being the choice for a lot of the heavy gunner, barbarian, bulwark type gamers who come into 40K or are seeking a 2nd 3rd or 4th army lol
The only thing which puts me off is again the lack of heroic type lore, we don’t know much about these little fella’s yet as they’ve only been around a few years compared to 30+ years for lots of the other factions. I did find out recently that they do in fact drink beer!! (well something called bru anyway) this is a big tick but I want them to be Old World, Lord of the Rings style Dwarfs and I just don’t think they are?
I think they have potential but I need to know more, good miniatures, good gameplay, lore just needs to develop.
Rating 8/10
CHAOS DAEMONS
Right, lets get this out of the way. I don’t like that Daemons have their own mixed army which combines all 4 chaos gods. In my head cannon this would never ever work. The idea that Belakor can unite the various daemons of manifested by each of the ruinous powers is a crock of shite! I’m sorry GW, Chaos undivided is fine but should be made up or mortals, with no daemons of any sort allowed and then each of World Eaters, Emperors Children, Deathguard and Thousand Sons, can take daemons from their own Chaos god which they have fallen to and made a pact with. I feel that all the mixed Daemons codex has done is dilute the feel and vibe of the chaos gods in game.
DAEMON ARMY?
No likey
A Deathguard regiment lead by a Daemon Prince with rotting plaugebearers, twisted putrid plague marines and spawn of nurgle all shuffling along together…thats utterly brilliant!!! It’s mega thematic and looks great in game. It has all the fluff and plenty of buff!!
The miniatures are really awesome, each faction of chaos inspires the feelings and ideas of what you associate with them. Each of the greater daemons is an awesome centrepiece model and if painted well can massively increase the cool vibes of a battle. I remember my old Metal great unclean one from fantasy being about 2.5inches tall! He’d just be a chaos spawn nowadays!!
In game they work so much better as allies for each of the Chaos factions rather than a stand alone force, in tournaments people just take a bunch of greater daemons. It’s sort of fun but also kinda crap, would people think it was fun if Ultramarines could take 4 ROBOUTE’S???
So basically I like the daemons, I like the lore, I like them in their individual Chaos faction but not as one army. It’s just my take but I think it sucks.
Rating 3/10……………….as separate chaos factions Rating 8/10
So that wraps that up, ORKS are da biggist badust faction in the game, closely followed by a few others with a couple of clear losers lol. I touched on gaming styles crossing over from computer games to tabletop wargaming and what I mean is I think there is a trend between who you play in call of duty to who you play in 40K or Elden ring etc Do you always Pick the Wizard, the sniper, the barbarian? I always have leaned towards Barbarian or heavy support gunner and I’ve ended up with Imperial Fists.
Listed below is some hardcore Meta Tier listing lol
ORKS 10/10
SPACEMARINE 9/10
CHAOS SPACE MARINES 9/10
IMPERIAL GUARD 9/10
VOTANN 8/10
TAU 7.5/10
SISTERS 7/10
TYRANIDS 7/10
GREY KNIGHTS 6/10
MECHANICUS 5/10
ELVES 5/10
CUSTODES 4/10
NECRONS 3/10
DAEMONS 3/10
